Still Waiting

I think I am finally coming to grips with the idea of losing our sweet miracle just when we found out about it. It's been hard waiting for this to happen, I started to wonder, did he make a mistake? I still feel pregnant, could we get another miracle? I guess the longer I went and nothing happened, the safer I felt that it might not happen.

Wednesday I had our two bishopric counsellors come over to visit and see how we are doing with all this. I talked more than I intended to, but in the process I got some good advice. Bro Olson shared the idea that We have to just keep going with what we do know. Heavenly Father is the only one with all the answers, and we are not expected to act on pieces to the puzzle that we don't have yet. It's easier for Him to guide something/one who is moving, than to actually get them moving in the first place. I need to be "moving" or doing what I can do with what information I have, and keep praying for and have faith in the answers or guidance that will come along the way. He called them course corrections. It made good sense to me.

So Thursday morning, I decided to finally get some more information and did some reading and as I did, I just knew it was over. I didn't stop hoping completely, but I somehow "knew" and over the weekend came to accept it. I've had some tender moments, as friends and family brought me flowers, cards, put their arms around me, and just dropped me notes online or phone calls, to let me know they were praying and thinking about me.

I called my doc yesterday because I decided I needed to know what his plan of care for me was and I hadn't heard from him in two weeks. He was surprised it hadn't happened yet, and suggested I come back in. He did another ultrasound and found a large empty sac. The baby has been reabsorbed by my body, but I still have to shed the lining and sac. (I am so glad I came to the conclusions I had over the weekend!) He strongly suggested, again, a D&C because it was twice the size they usually let go naturally. I've decided to refuse the D&C for now, because I kind of need things to happen naturally. I really asked him the tough questions I should have asked two weeks ago about what to expect and how it will happen. I feel more confident in myself since now I don't have to wonder "is that the baby?" I know it's all placental and sac tissue. So I here I sit and wait.

So at this time of year, I am especially Thankful for my many, many blessings. For my loving family, for my knowledge of my Savior and Heavenly Father who love me and help me so much!